Yesterday my brother married a wonderful woman. It was a beautiful Catholic wedding followed by a super fun reception. Congratulations Eric & Tina!
The vows at St. Thomas Aquinas
The handsome groom & gorgeous bride
My father and grandmother
Wedding guests-family & friends...








Cutting the cake
First dance
Tina's high school friend, Davey, caught the bouquet
The Hargraves love to dance
My awesome cousin, Adam
Tina's bridesmaids
Congratulations to two wonderful people! We wish you a lifetime of love, laughter, and happiness!
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Oh, my goodness, this story just breaks my heart. Two lives taken much too soon and a beautiful story told by a loving mother...
Our Beauty Queen was robbed of what could have been a world-changing life...
Bella Mia Barberena was born on 2/4/2011 and was joyfully welcomed by our family & we were just 10 months into grieving the death of our first born, Bradley Barberena, who passed of unknown causes at 61 days old and never got to come home from the hospital. Bella was healthy, strong, and loud. She had almond shaped brown eyes, silky soft brown hair, and a smile that melted your soul. She always had a calm disposition and observed everything with such a thirst for knowledge. My pregnancy was a peaceful and uneventful one. Since my first child passed of unknown causes my pregnancy with Bella was monitored every 2 weeks and nothing ever showed abnormal. I had every test performed, every blood draw taken, and every ultrasound done but I was never offered SMA genetic screening. I had no family of it so why would I need it? If only the doctors understood that hardly anyone ever has a family history of SMA. Bella stopped kicking her legs at 2 months old, never held her head up unsupported, and began drastically loosing weight because she could no longer swallow her milk. After about 20 pediatrician visits, physical therapy classes, and neurology appointments we heard the words Spinal Muscular Atrophy for the first time and it was clear we were going to loose our second child as well. Only this time we had a diagnosis. We were devastated but determined to fight our fate. We did our homework, got Bella all the care and machines she needed, and decided she we would not only help her fight SMA but we would help her thrive in her new life and enjoy every second she had of it. Bella was best know for her beauty, her smarts, and her joy. She loved dressing up and wearing crowns, learned sign language at 5 months old, and greeted every new face with a beaming smile. Bella joined her brother in Heaven on 11/15/2009 at only 11 months and 15 days old. Beauty Queens are few and far between but Beauty Queens who delight, inspire, and are fearless bless this world only once in a million years. Bella Mia was the one in a million. We miss, honor, and love our Beauty Queen.
These two wonderful people will be husband and wife in just three days! My brother, Eric, found the love his life, Tina, a couple of years ago and they are just so perfect for each other. I am so thrilled to welcome such a wonderful woman into the Hargrave family. Tina, you are such a gem and we all adore you! I know you will be a stunning bride & groom and we cannot wait to celebrate your marriage on Saturday! xoxo
This is the story of one adorable baby girl whose life was cut short much too soon as told by her mother, Hillary. SMA awareness month is about giving a voice to those babies who did not live long enough to use their own...
Thank you so much for allowing us to share Zane's story! She was a beautiful baby who truly touched our hearts. She will always be remembered.
The Schmids have a blog to help raise awareness for SMA, please check it out: http://www.sweetbabyzane.com/
Here is another beautiful little girl with SMA. The excerpt was written by her mother, Sapna. We enjoy reading their blog & Sapna and I chat via email often...
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Summer Fun with Friends
Friday, August 12, 2011
Bella Barberena
Oh, my goodness, this story just breaks my heart. Two lives taken much too soon and a beautiful story told by a loving mother...
Our Beauty Queen was robbed of what could have been a world-changing life...
Bella Mia Barberena was born on 2/4/2011 and was joyfully welcomed by our family & we were just 10 months into grieving the death of our first born, Bradley Barberena, who passed of unknown causes at 61 days old and never got to come home from the hospital. Bella was healthy, strong, and loud. She had almond shaped brown eyes, silky soft brown hair, and a smile that melted your soul. She always had a calm disposition and observed everything with such a thirst for knowledge. My pregnancy was a peaceful and uneventful one. Since my first child passed of unknown causes my pregnancy with Bella was monitored every 2 weeks and nothing ever showed abnormal. I had every test performed, every blood draw taken, and every ultrasound done but I was never offered SMA genetic screening. I had no family of it so why would I need it? If only the doctors understood that hardly anyone ever has a family history of SMA. Bella stopped kicking her legs at 2 months old, never held her head up unsupported, and began drastically loosing weight because she could no longer swallow her milk. After about 20 pediatrician visits, physical therapy classes, and neurology appointments we heard the words Spinal Muscular Atrophy for the first time and it was clear we were going to loose our second child as well. Only this time we had a diagnosis. We were devastated but determined to fight our fate. We did our homework, got Bella all the care and machines she needed, and decided she we would not only help her fight SMA but we would help her thrive in her new life and enjoy every second she had of it. Bella was best know for her beauty, her smarts, and her joy. She loved dressing up and wearing crowns, learned sign language at 5 months old, and greeted every new face with a beaming smile. Bella joined her brother in Heaven on 11/15/2009 at only 11 months and 15 days old. Beauty Queens are few and far between but Beauty Queens who delight, inspire, and are fearless bless this world only once in a million years. Bella Mia was the one in a million. We miss, honor, and love our Beauty Queen.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Andy Butler
Such a handsome baby boy, whose life was taken way too soon...
Andrew Glenn Butler was born on January 8, 2009. We immediately nicknamed him “Andy.” A beautiful baby with bright blue eyes and thick brown hair, he was healthy at birth. In fact, when I was pregnant with Andy, I requested every pre-natal test available to ensure his health. But, my OB didn’t offer the test for spinal muscular atrophy…and, having never heard of the disease, I didn’t know to ask for it. So it was a terrible shock when our newborn son was diagnosed with Type 1 SMA or Werdnig-Hoffmann Disease in March 2009.
Andrew Glenn Butler was born on January 8, 2009. We immediately nicknamed him “Andy.” A beautiful baby with bright blue eyes and thick brown hair, he was healthy at birth. In fact, when I was pregnant with Andy, I requested every pre-natal test available to ensure his health. But, my OB didn’t offer the test for spinal muscular atrophy…and, having never heard of the disease, I didn’t know to ask for it. So it was a terrible shock when our newborn son was diagnosed with Type 1 SMA or Werdnig-Hoffmann Disease in March 2009.
As the disease progressed, it very quickly robbed Andy of his ability to move, suck, swallow and breathe. He was hospitalized five times within a span of 13 weeks for respiratory and gastro-intestinal issues. And, it was in the hospital on June 4, 2009, that Andy lost his battle with this insidious disease. He earned his angel’s wings just four days before his five-month birthday.
We created “Andy’s Army” to share information about SMA and how people can help stop it. Although there is currently no treatment or cure for this disease, researchers have isolated the gene that causes it and, with proper funding, a cure can be found. While nothing can bring Andy back, no other families should have to suffer as we have. You can learn more about Andy and our fight against SMA at http://andysarmy.com/.
--Audra Butler, Andy’s mom
--Audra Butler, Andy’s mom
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Eric & Tina
These two wonderful people will be husband and wife in just three days! My brother, Eric, found the love his life, Tina, a couple of years ago and they are just so perfect for each other. I am so thrilled to welcome such a wonderful woman into the Hargrave family. Tina, you are such a gem and we all adore you! I know you will be a stunning bride & groom and we cannot wait to celebrate your marriage on Saturday! xoxoTuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Parenting a Child with SMA Means...
- That 911 is on speed dial and they are called when your child swallows too much mucus because his body to too weak to cough it up.
- That you panic when your child's pulse ox reads oxygen: 78 and pulse: 175.
- That you wake 3-4 times per night to re-position your child so he sleeps comfortably.
- That you don't have regular date nights with your husband because you are fearful of leaving your son with anyone-even family who you love and trust.
- That you don't know if you can ever have the big family your dreamed of, because you would never want to pass this disease on to any other children.
- That you spend $300+ per month on medical expenses.
- That time is the enemy as you watch your child grow weaker and weaker with each passing month.
- That instead of clothes and shoes, your son's closet is filled with medical supplies: suction catheters, ambu bags, a stander, filters, tubing, nodes, and wires.
- That your child has to wear leg, wrist, and chest braces everyday because his body has become so contracted and his spine so curved, that these things can only maintain what has already happened.
- That the simple act of brushing your son's teeth, requires you to suction out his mouth so that he won't accidentally swallow any toothpaste, causing him to choke or vomit.
- That leaving the house with your child requires that you bring a pulse/ox, suction, ambu bag (or oxygen), and cough assist with you, just in case.
- That when you put your child down for a nap, he must have his pulse/ox, feeding tube, and bi-pap mask on before he can sleep.
- That your child has a tiny hole in his belly where his food goes in because he has been denied the pleasure of eating by mouth since he now chokes on his food.
- That you worry how this disease with affect your SMA-free child as she gets older.
- That your child can no longer play without the use of slings to position his arms to be able to touch his toys.
- That doctor's visits become your child's most frequent outing and his cries as you load him in the car.
- That you are an advocate for your son, fighting with doctors and insurance companies to get him what he needs.
- That you have to endure stares and questions everywhere you go from strangers unsure what to make of your child.
- That the cold & flu months mean that you rarely ever leave your house and not many visitors are allowed inside.
It also means that you will do absolutely anything to give your child the best quality of life and that you are blessed with the most handsome, loving, precious child and parenting him, while difficult, is the most important thing you will ever do.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Zane Schmid
We were blessed with twin girls, Avery and Zane, in January 2009. We were overjoyed! They both were healthy. We enjoyed every second with our baby girls. At one month of age, we noticed Zane was not moving her head and limbs as much as Avery. On February 13, we took the girls to a routine pediatrician visit. At this time, we brought to the attention of her pediatrician that we were concerned that she was not moving as much as Avery. The movement in her arms and legs had decreased as Avery’s had increased. Her doctor took a closer look and suggested we immediately take her to A.I. Dupont Children’s Hospital in Wilmington, Delaware.
After spending 10 hours in the emergency room, Zane was admitted to the hospital where she spent the next five days. After experiencing a battery of tests and being seen by countless doctors, the medical team at Dupont had come to us with the most devastating diagnosis. On February 19, we were told that Zane had Spinal Muscular Atrophy, Type I. Our world came crashing down in seconds! How could this be? Why do children get sick? How can they get terminal diseases? We were devastated, angry, in shock, in denial…. and the list goes on.
As she grew older, the disease progressed. Her muscles became weaker, she had low muscle tone throughout her body, and she lost the ability to swallow. She had to be fed through a G- tube that was surgically placed into her stomach. Our home had become a hub for the multiple life saving machines Zane would need. There were countless organized boxes of medical equipment in her room. Her daily routine consisted of Early Intervention therapies, doctor’s appointments, frequent suctioning & nebulizer treatments, and play times with her twin sister, Avery. She was happy and smiled often.
On May 19, 2009, our world was forever changed. Our family was enjoying a peaceful evening at home when I noticed Zane looked pale. Through education, I have learned that when a child with SMA looks pale, his/ her oxygen levels are low. I quickly attached the pulse- oximeter machine to Zane’s toe, and the reading was a staggering 70%. (100% is normal) I thought “This can’t be right!” I took a second reading and again 70% was displayed on the screen. This meant that Zane was sick and she was not receiving enough oxygen. Keith and I frantically loaded Zane into her adaptive car seat and drove the 45 minutes to the Emergency Room at DuPont Hospital. Within minutes, Zane had a team of doctors and nurses working on her. It was one of the most frightening moments of our lives. About 1 hour later, Zane was admitted into The Pediatric Intensive Care Unit where she “lived” for 27 days.
Zane had contracted a type of flu, para-influenza. Between Keith, myself, and our network of supportive family and friends, Zane was never alone. Due to the SMA, Zane had to fight very hard to rid the illness. There were many days of 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards. With machines attached to her and procedures being done every four hours, she always smiled and rarely cried. Finally, she began to improve. She looked better, was detached from the machines and the infection had been cleared. We went home on June 15. We were so happy to have her home!
Within 12 hours, Zane’s oxygen levels had dropped significantly again. She was pale and breathing rapidly. We called 911 and again Zane was transported to DuPont Hospital into the ICU. This time was different. The smiles were gone, she didn’t open her eyes as much, and the staff’s attitudes were solemn. She was suffering; we all secretly knew it. Watching her fight for every breath was heart wrenching. There were times I couldn’t take it and cried uncontrollably. Several days of aggressive medical treatments, Zane’s condition was not improving but getting worse. After the second day of being there, the doctors approached my husband and I about making some decisions. Zane was dying. She was suffering. It was not a way for a person, for a child to live. We could see and feel it. Seeing your child in that situation is unbearable. Unfortunately, this is the nature of SMA. On June 18, 2009, Zane passed away peacefully in our arms at 3:37 p.m. She was 5 months, 16 days, 1 hour, and 3 minutes old.
TOO YOUNG!
Since Zane’s passing, we are determined to bring awareness to this horrific disease. We, along with our supportive community, will organize fundraisers in Zane’s memory and inform the public about SMA. We don’t want any other families and children to experience our pain. We miss Zane so much but take solace in the fact that she is in Heaven, SMA free. She is no longer suffering. We are saddened by the fact that Avery will not remember her sister. We talk to Avery everyday about Zane. She had an enormous impact on many people. She brought so much awareness to this disease.
Zane, we will fight for you and the other families afflicted with SMA.
We love you so much honey.
Sincerely,Keith, Hillary, and Avery Schmid
Thank you so much for allowing us to share Zane's story! She was a beautiful baby who truly touched our hearts. She will always be remembered.
The Schmids have a blog to help raise awareness for SMA, please check it out: http://www.sweetbabyzane.com/
Friday, August 5, 2011
Kayla VanderZanden
This redheaded beauty is so, so special to us. She is only three weeks older than Nicholas and her family lives near us so we are able to see the VanderZandens a few times a year. Most recently, Kayla and her mommy, Shawna, met us at the zoo for Nicholas's third birthday. Shawna and I talk on the phone often and share in the joys and disappointments of being mommies to three-year-olds with SMA. Nicholas has a sweet little crush on Kayla and loves spending time with her. She is a very strong type 1 and she can drive her power chair with ease! She has truly captured our hearts and we are so happy to know her and her whole family!!!
This is a little bit about Kayla as written by her mother...
Kayla Grace VanderZanden was born April 27, 2008. Kayla learned to roll over a hand full of times. We were devastated to learn about SMA but have since learned to roll with the punches. Kayla is a very social and happy girl, she has a need for speed and loves anything that gives her a thrill. Kayla has a 15-month-old sister, Emmy, who is a carrier for SMA but is not affected. I am amazed at how loving their relationship is, even at such a young age Emmy is already trying to be a helper to her big sister. We are hopeful that a treatment and cure will someday be found for our little girl.
Here are a couple of photos of Nicholas and Kayla together the first time we met them when the kids were about 13-months-old


This is a photo of the two of them last May at the zoo on Nicholas's third birthday
We love you so much, Kayla, and are so blessed to have you in our lives!
This is a little bit about Kayla as written by her mother...Kayla Grace VanderZanden was born April 27, 2008. Kayla learned to roll over a hand full of times. We were devastated to learn about SMA but have since learned to roll with the punches. Kayla is a very social and happy girl, she has a need for speed and loves anything that gives her a thrill. Kayla has a 15-month-old sister, Emmy, who is a carrier for SMA but is not affected. I am amazed at how loving their relationship is, even at such a young age Emmy is already trying to be a helper to her big sister. We are hopeful that a treatment and cure will someday be found for our little girl.
Here are a couple of photos of Nicholas and Kayla together the first time we met them when the kids were about 13-months-old
This is a photo of the two of them last May at the zoo on Nicholas's third birthday
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Maya Pringle
Here is another beautiful little girl with SMA. The excerpt was written by her mother, Sapna. We enjoy reading their blog & Sapna and I chat via email often...Maya Pringle is our 3 1/2 year old princess. She has Type II and was diagnosed on Jan 14 2009 at the age of 1 year. Maya's onset was at 6 months. She attained the ability to sit and we are so thankful to God that she can still sit on her own. Although Maya lost a lot of strength since she was about 6 months old, she never loses her spirit. She is truly an inspiration to me, her dad, and everyone around her. She is so smart, funny, sassy and very loving. We love that she loves to cuddle so much. She loves to sing all day long and play with her toys in her specially adapted playroom! She is such a great big sister and loves her little brother so dearly. We are so blessed to have her in our life. Charlie and I have made a commitment to fight SMA. Fight for a cure. Fight for a better life for our precious Maya.
Donate to Nicholas' Memorial Fund
Information about Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)
Click HERE to learn about Spinal Muscular Atrophy.
About Me
- Jessica
- Washington, United States
- We are the Gustafsons: Daddy Jeff, Mommy Jessica, Big Brother Nicholas and Little Sister Elizabeth. We started our blog in 2008 when our son was born as a way to document our life. Jeff and I feel so blessed to be parents to two amazing kids. Our oldest, Nicholas, was diagnosed with a terminal condition called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. We are praying for a cure for Nicholas and all children who suffer from this physically limiting diagnosis. We are also parents to a little girl who who brings us sunshine and laughter everyday. We treasure every moment with our sweet kiddos. Please let us know you visited our blog by leaving us comment. May God bless you today and always.
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Falling In Love
Our Wedding Day
Brother & Sister Love
Motherhood
Nicholas's Story
Click HERE to read Nicholas's story from birth to his diagnosis with SMA at 10 months-old.
All About Nicholas
sweet. easy-going. smiley. happy. fighter. playful. courageous. loving. joyful. amazing. gift. wise. strong. handsome. kind. brave. Heaven-sent.
Nicholas's Birthday
Nicholas at 1 Year
Nicholas at 2 Years
Nicholas at 3 Years
Nicholas at 4 Years
Nicholas at 5 Years
Nicholas at 6 Years
All About Ella
loving. cuddly. toddler. curious. explorer. walker. silly. happy. sleeper. blessing. fearless. adventurous. kisser. sassy. dancing queen. spirited.
Ity Bitty Baby Ella
Ella at 1 Year
Ella at 2 Years
Ella at 3 Years
Ella at 4 Years
Ella at 5 Years
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