Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

Oh, how I wish we lived somewhere over the rainbow and far away from the PICU. Nicholas has RSV and was taken to the hospital by ambulance yesterday evening. Today he was struggling to breathe and had to be intubated. My heart breaks to watch him suffer so much. I think this photo speaks a thousand words and my eyes brim with tears every time I look at it. Words cannot express how difficult it is to watch your child struggle to take in each breath and to watch his weak little body be ravaged by a virus that is simply a cold to the rest of us is utterly heart breaking. 

 We have been loved and supported by friends and family this week: my good friend and neighbor, Leslie, came to get Ella when the paramedics arrived yesterday and kept her at her house until Jeff could pick her up; my mom will be watching Ella for us tomorrow and my sister-in-law, Jami, will watch Ella on Friday. Jeff and I have been taking turns sleeping at the hospital because "sleeping" is an understatement. I don't think anyone actually sleeps there. Ever. We have been overwhelmed by the hundreds of text messages, phone messages, emails, blog posts, and Facebook posts our friends and even perfect strangers have offered to us. We truly appreciate everyone of your comments, thoughts, and prayers for our sweet boy and if we haven't responded yet, we promise to in the next couple of days. The biggest surprise of support was a Tweet that my dear friend Holly Jones was tagged in after she posted Nicholas's photo on her Twitter account. Matthew Modine (Full Metal Jacket, Married to the Mob, The Dark Knight Rises) himself is praying for us! Amazing! This isn't to say that we think that he is any more amazing than every one of you. I am honestly buoyed by your heartfelt prayers and love for our son. Your messages and comments get me through the dark, lonely hours of caring for a child with a terminal illness. 

 This is our nighttime view from Nicholas's hospital room. I want nothing more than to lie beside him in his over sized hospital bed and take his pain and suffering away, but, alas, it's against hospital policy. So I lay on a bed next to the window and until my eyelids feel heavy, I pray with fervor for our precious son. 

 Ella misses her brother so much. She visited him for fifteen minutes this afternoon when Jeff and I met at the hospital to switch places. She gave him kisses and brought her new Doc McStuffins stethoscope so she could give him a check-up. Being hospitalized is so hard on Nicholas, but its also hard on all of us, especially little sister who doesn't quite understand why her brother has to stay there. On the way home she kept asking for Nicholas and Daddy and its so comforting to know she loves her family so much, but at the same time it heart wrenching to see her miss them so. 

 These two have such a precious bond and I am so grateful for my amazing husband. He loves the three of us so unconditionally and does whatever he can to make hospital stays, passing kids off, and this crazy sleep schedule as easy as it can be. I so admire the relationships he has created with both of our children and I am beyond blessed to be his wife. He works so hard for us and constantly sacrifices so we can be happy and loved. I absolutely could not make it through these tough, trying times without Jeff's unwavering support and dedication to our family. 

Ella is definitely her father's daughter. They look so much alike in this photo.

Please continue to pray for Nicholas. RSV is no joke and has hospitalized many kiddos with SMA this winter. Nicholas is truly a fighter and I know he wants nothing more than to kick this virus to the curb and return home. Many thanks to all of you who are praying...your prayers are lifting our spirits and making this dire situation that much more manageable. God bless you all.