Retreat Epiphany

I just returned home from a two-day conference at the Palisades Retreat Center in Federal Way, WA. The conference was for my job as Pastoral Assistant for Sacramental Life at Holy Redeemer Catholic Parish. A variety of parishioners and pastoral assistants were there from several parishes in the Archdiocese of Seattle to hear from various speakers on the "Gifts Given to Us by God." Prior to attending this conference, I took an online quiz developed by Gallup using the Clifton Strengths Finder to determine my unique Top 5 Strengths. Understand that for someone to have the exact same Top 5 Strengths as me in the exact same order is 1 in 930,000, so this assessment is unlike other types of personality tests-it truly helps to define the unique qualities of every individual.

Here are my Top 5 in order with a short description of each:

1. Empathy: You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's predicament-this would be sympathy, not empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and right tone. You help give others a voice to their emotional life. For all of these reasons other people are drawn to you.
2. Responsibility: You responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If, for some reason, you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. This conscientious, near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable.
3. Developer: You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.
4. Adaptability: You live in the moment. You don't see the future as a fixed destination. Instead you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. The theme of adaptability enables you to respond willingly to the demands of the moments even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don't resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of life are pulling you in many different directions at once.
5. Individualization: Your individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person. You are impatient with the generalizations or "types" because you don't want to obscure what is special and distinct about each person. Instead, you focus on the differences between individuals. You instinctively observe each person's style, each person's motivation, how each thinks, and how each builds relationships. Because you are a keen observer of other people's strengths, you can draw out the best in each person.

I took this assessment over two months ago and was surprised at how each of my Top 5 described me exactly. I remember thinking, "Yes! This is who I am. I have always been this way." I contributed my empathetic trait to the reason why in high-school I was always the girl in the hallway with my friend consoling her about one thing or another. I contributed my individualization trait to the reason I became an elementary school teacher. After taking this assessment though, I didn't truly connect these themes to the most important young person in my life.

At some point, about halfway through the first day at the conference, I had a total epiphany: God made me this way for Nicholas. He gave me these unique gifts so that I can be the best mother I can possibly be to our son. Take, for instance, my gift of Empathy. I am instinctively connected to Nicholas's emotions-his needs, feelings, desires. I help give him a voice. I have said many times to both God and others that I would switch places with him in an instant. My Responsibility gift then, allows me to provide for him all the things he needs. To be an advocate for him, to help him use his stander, braces, and seating equipment; to make sure he has many opportunities for physical therapy throughout his day. My themes of Developer, Adaptability, and Individualization all help me to see Nicholas's potential. They help me to be flexible, to understand that while Nicholas's illness is devastating, it does not define him. These gifts help me to draw out the best in our son, to know that while our life does not look like I thought it would, it's okay, because every moment spent with our son is another moment I get to love him, to know him, to build a relationship with him.

God didn't give me these gifts haphazardly. Not at all. In fact, he gave me these gifts knowing that I would one day be Nicholas's mother and I would need these gifts to help me love my son through this disease and develop his potential in the best way I possibly can. We all have unique gifts of our own. God created each of us with talents to share with others. No two people are the same because we are asked to share our gifts with one another to love one another in the fullest, most generous way we can. My gifts were given to me not only to help me be a relationship builder, or a teacher, or a wife, or friend. They were given to me to assist me in the single-most important job I will ever have in my life: to be Nicholas's mother.

{Note: If you are interested in learning about your God-given gifts, you can buy the book: Living Your Strengths. There are several versions available. You can click HERE for more information. The online assessment is only accessible from the code in the book you purchase, so buying a used book may not allow you access to the code.}