On Thursday, January 21st, I took a test that would change our lives forever.
I had been feeling more tired than usual, napping in the afternoons, and noticed that I had a heightened sense of smell. I started thinking that I could possibly be pregnant because I was experiencing similar symptoms as when I was pregnant with Nicholas.
On my way to work Thursday evening, I stopped by Walgreens and picked up a pregnancy test and took it as soon as I got to the office. No one had arrived yet and I had the space to myself. Imagine my surprise when not one blue line showed up, but two! Jeff and I had not been trying for a baby, but now God had given us this blessing. I was filled with joy at first, but my joy quickly turned to fear.
I immediately put the test into the shopping bag, shoved it in my purse, and walked over to the church where I fell upon my knees and began to pray. "Please Dear Lord, please allow this baby growing in my womb to be healthy. Please allow this child a chance at life-a chance to walk, jump, and run." Tears were now streaming down my face as I pleaded with God to allow this child what He had not allowed our first-to be free of a heartbreaking disease. All at once I stopped crying and began to listen as God spoke to my heart. He told me that this child would be healthy, that it would be loved, that it would be a blessing in our lives. He told me not to worry, that this child would be born free of SMA and be such a joy to her brother. I began to feel love all around me as if Jesus himself had wrapped his arms around me in comfort. After 40 minutes of listening, praying, and pleading, I left the church and returned to my desk wondering how Jeff would react to the news when I shared it with him.
I considered not telling him for awhile, but realized that would be impossible to do. I needed support and he deserved to know. When I arrived home that evening he was watching television on the sofa. Nicholas had been asleep for over an hour so I sat next to him and told him the news. He was instantly moved to tears (which does not happen often). He was so happy and so afraid at the same time. We both know the statistics involved in conceiving a child without the help of medical technology, we knew that our chance of having a healthy child was 75%, and the chances of conceiving a child affected by SMA was 25%, but those numbers don't mean much when your first born has the disease. We held each other and cried and realized all we could do at this point was pray for the odds to be in our favor, in our baby's favor.
At 9 weeks we met with a genetic counselor who explained the prenatal testing options with us. We could do a Chorionic villus sampling (CVS) test at 12 weeks or an amniocentesis test at 16 weeks. We decided to do the CVS test simply because we wanted to know the results as soon as possible. We only told a small handful of people we were expecting at this point because we wanted to wait to let most people know once we had the results. The procedure was fairly simple and relatively painless. The doctor did an ultrasound before, during, and after the procedure to make sure everything was okay with the baby. He inserted a long needle through my abdomen to collect a sample of the placenta to be tested for all chromosomal and genetic diseases. It took all of 45 minutes. Afterward, Jeff took three days off work to be home to care for Nicholas as I was instructed not to lift anything and to stay off my feet for a day or so. To be honest, it was so nice to be pampered for a couple of days and I took full advantage of it!
Less than a week later the genetic counselor called to tell us the results of the chromosomal tests. "Everything looks good," she said, "the baby will not have any chromosomal defects." I asked if the chromosomal tests also showed the baby's gender and she was happy to share that we were having a baby girl. I was surprised because I had thought that we were having another boy, but both Jeff and I were happy to know there would be a little girl in our family. While the results of the chromosomal testing were good, we still had to wait three very long weeks to get the results of the genetic testing.
During that time I continued to pray, not because I don't trust God, but because I wasn't sure if what I heard in church was Him talking to me or my own thoughts telling me what I most wanted to hear. I prayed to Mary, as a mother, for her intercession in Heaven, and to St. Gerard Majella, who is the patron saint of fertility. Father Mitchell even let me borrow a relic of St. Gerard Majella that I put on our living room bookshelf. I stopped to pray in front of it each time I walked past. Jeff tried to make himself busy-working in the garage, and taking several mechanical side jobs to distract his mind.
Yesterday we got the news we had been hoping and praying for. The genetic counselor phoned me at 9:20 a.m. and said she couldn't wait to share the good news...that our baby girl was healthy and SMA free! Not only is she SMA free, but she is not even a carrier of the disease. She falls into the 25% category of not being affected and not being a carrier. I cried tears of joy and relief and spent several minutes praising God for this wonderful blessing! Later, I wondered at genetics...it's so strange to me that we will have two children on complete opposite ends of the spectrum-one that is totally unaffected, and one that is totally affected. It is strange and bewildering how genes affect us.
Now we are excited to begin preparing for this baby girl. Up until this point, I couldn't allow myself to immediately bond with her the way I did with Nicholas. I needed to know what her future may look like. Not that I didn't love her immediately, I definitely did. There was never a question as to whether or not she was wanted or loved, we loved her as soon as we knew she existed. At the same time, I didn't have a clear view of what her life might be like and that prevented me from bonding with her completely. Now that we know she is healthy, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I feel like I can breathe again, I feel that we have been truly miraclously blessed.
I am looking forward to her arrival on or near September 20th of this year. I think Nicholas will love having a sibling and I hope she will be a source of joy and kindness for him. Maybe she will be the kind of girl who mothers him, helps him, dotes on him-like his mommy. Maybe she will be the kind of girl who he can tell to climb that tree a little higher, run a little faster, spin a little slower. I cannot wait to see them together, for I know that the bond between siblings is amazing. Nicholas has a lot of love to give and I'm sure his sister will be a happy recipient.
One of 
Nicholas has been wearing his brace for the majority of the day now in order to keep his spine as 
Therapy with Julie. She wore cute bunny ears to try to get Nicholas to lift his arms and grab them...only it looks like he was more interested in his cousin 
After Julie wore the ears, Nicholas got to put them on for awhile.
Last Thursday-Sunday my wonderful co-worker, Jamie, and I went to a religious education conference in Anaheim, CA. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed soaking up some sunshine! We got to eat dinner with my 
