Tunnel Vision

My best friend, Lyndsey, sent Ella this colorful tunnel (among other adorable gifts) for her first birthday. It arrived a few days ago and we have been trying to show Ella how to crawl through it. I even got in it myself to demonstrate which was a bit taxing on my mama body and didn't do much for my claustrophobia. And it didn't matter anyway because she still refused to crawl through! Today I decided to put a most prized possession at one end of the tunnel for incentive to crawl through. Plus, I put her favorite ball in the middle as an added bonus.
But it didn't matter because she just walked around the outside to get to her brother.
She was like, "See Mom...I can do it. I made it to the other side!"
Then she decided to crawl in halfway to get her ball...and then backed right up and went out again...

with ball in hand.Then, she finally got it...

What a fun way to spend an afternoon!

It's A Great Day To Be One!

Ella's first year in photos...

One day old One month
Two Months

Three Months

Four Months

Five Months

Six Months

Seven Months

Eight Months

Nine Months

Ten Months

Eleven Months

Twelve Months (taken today on her first birthday)

One year ago today at 11:58 a.m. I gave birth to our sweet Elizabeth Rose. It was one of the best days of my life. We were overjoyed to welcome the fourth member of our family and couldn't wait to share her with all of our loved ones. She came into this world as sweet as can be with her her rosy red cheeks, head of dark brown hair, and coy smile. She latched on to nurse within a couple of hours after her arrival and still loves to snuggle close to her mama to drink her milk. We thanked God the day she was born for a healthy, beautiful baby...another child to love.

I cannot believe that a year has passed so quickly and now our baby is becoming a toddler! She took her first steps on her own yesterday so it is just a matter of time before our little munchkin starts running everywhere. Ella now weighs nineteen pounds which puts her in the 33rd perecntile for weight and is 30 inches long which is the 93rd percentile for height. She still only has her two front teeth, so she hasn't completely graduated to table foods. We continue to give her jars of baby food along with soft grown-up foods and plenty of crackers. She adores Nicholas and likes to play with him now. She shares toys with him by placing them in his hand and he thinks she is so fantastic to share with him. I think my favorite part of being a mother is watching my two children interact. Here are a few of the cute things that Ella can do at one year-old:

Wave hello and good-bye

Shake her head yes and no to answer questions

Reach her hands in the air to be picked up

Say "hey" (her version of "hi")

Laugh out loud

Walk with just a few steps at a time

Crawl really fast

Open drawers

Flip through picture books

Use her princess car as a step stool to get to things that are out of reach

Squeal with excitement when she is buckled into her car seat...she loves to go places!

Climb onto and off the ottoman

Open doors (it's really hard to get any privacy anymore)

Play with her brother

Dance to music

Feed herself with a spoon

It absolutely amazes me how many things a baby can learn to do in one year!

Today, for her birthday, my mom and I took both Nicholas and Ella to story time at the local library. Nicholas had been a handful of times, but it was Ella's first chance to listen to books, sing, dance, and pop the bubbles as they blew by. She really enjoyed herself so I hope to make story time a part of our weekly routine. I am so excited watch Ella grow, learn, and change in this year that she is one. I feel so blessed to be your mommy, Ella Roo!

Mommy, Daddy & Nicholas love you more than you will ever know, sweet baby girl.

We wish you a very happy first birthday!

Nicholas's First Dental Visit

This morning Nicholas had his first dentist visit and he did great! I was super nervous about it because he doesn't like getting his teeth brushed at home, but I shouldn't have worried because he actually liked it. In the photos he looks like he is not enjoying himself at all, but that really wasn't the case. His dental hygienist is a family friend and she showed him everything and explained what she was doing as his cleaning took place. She only polished his upper teeth so we are going back in three months to take care of the bottom teeth, as we wanted his first experience to be a good one. He got a prescription for flouride and we plan to buy him a kids Sonicare toothbrush to keep his teeth really sparkly clean. I am so proud of our big boy!

Ella's Birthday Party

The birthday girl wearing her pretty party dress & her crown...

We had her party a few days early-she won't turn one until Thursday, September 15th She had a back yard carnival for her first birthday...

Cup Cake Walk
Fishing

Candy Shoppe
Bean Bag Toss
Fortune TellerFace Painting
Refreshments Party GuestsShe loved her birthday balloonOpening giftsParty GuestsHer yummy banana cakeMake a wish!

I think she was happy to strip down to only a diaper. It was around 95 degrees outside today! First taste of birthday cake
Thank you to all our friends & family who came to celebrate with us. We love you all!
We hope you had a wonderful birthday party, baby girl!

A Mother

Last night I led a confirmation orientation meeting for all the youth of our parish who will be confirmed in the spring. I explained to them that during these next few months they will need to read about the lives of saints to help them choose one who they would like to imitate, whose name they will take at their confirmation mass. When I was confirmed over ten years ago in 1997, I knew immediately which saint I wanted to choose. There was only one saint whose life truly spoke to me, only one saint whose life I wanted to imitate, only one saint who I felt a special affinity to my entire life: Mary, the Mother of Jesus.

Her life was filled with holiness. She said yes to God. She was chosen to bear God's only son here on Earth to save us all from our sins. She was an amazing woman. Hers is a beautiful love story. She lived a life of sacrifice and love and did just as God asked her to fulfill his divine plan. But her life was also like something you would see in a modern-day movie: she was only around fourteen years-old when she conceived the son of God and she was not married at the time, she quietly married her fiancee to avoid scandal, she gave birth in a stable, she had to flee her hometown because a vengeful king wanted to murder her infant son, she lived a quiet life until her son was thirty-three and was sentenced to die on a cross for committing no crime, she followed him as he carried his cross to Calvary and was with him when he died. She never left his side. She never doubted that God's plan was suppose to happen, even if it meant that her only son had to die.

There are many things about her life that I draw strength from. I do not think I chose her as my confirmation saint by chance. I think the Holy Spirit knew that I would have to draw on her strength and courage throughout my life and guided me to her. There have been many times in my life that I have prayed for her intercession to help guide me, to give me peace, to lead me through trials, to be with me as I carried my cross. She has always been there. I have always felt her spiritual presence in my life.

People of various faiths do not always understand Catholics affinity to Mary. They believe that we worship her. That we replace her for God or her son, Jesus Christ. This is simply not so. We do not worship her, nor do we put her above her son. We honor her as the mother of God. We give honor to her the same way we honor our own mothers here on Earth. I remember as a child it was always much easier to ask my mom for something than my dad. Sometimes I feel this way when I pray. I feel that Mary speaks to her son in only the way a mother can, and asks for him to keep us close, to forgive our faults, and to spare us from evil.

September 8th was the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the Catholic church. May 1st is the Crowning of Mary. I do not think it is a coincidence that both of our children are born in these months. Someone once told me that children are waiting for us in Heaven and that when they find their parents, they join us on Earth. I know that the Virgin Mary helped guide our children to us. When I was first pregnant with Ella, I spent many hours in front of the statue of Mary at our church asking her to intercede for us and bless us with a child free of SMA. I know that the Queen of Heaven is always near me, always leading me closer to Jesus, helping me to carry my cross as we raise our terminally ill son.

"Love Mary! She is loveable, faithful, constant. She will never let herself be outdone in love, but will ever remain supreme. If you are in danger, she will hasten to free you. If you are troubled, she will console you. If you are sick, she will bring you relief. If you are in need, she will help you. She does not look to see what kind of person you have been. She simply comes to a heart that wants to love her. She comes quickly and opens her merciful heart to you, embraces you and consoles and serves you. She will even be at hand to accompany you on the trip to eternity." -St. Gabriel of the Sorrowful Mother

Life Plans

I came across this quote a few days ago and have been thinking about its significance for my life. When I was a young woman I thought I had my life all planned out: I wanted to be married and have children in my mid-twenties, I wanted to have a degree in education and teach in a public elementary school when I finished college, I wanted to live for a few years in an apartment in a big city and have that urban experience that I didn't have growing up in a small town. I wanted to travel. I wanted to meet interesting people, with whom I could debate philosophy, religion, and politics. My nineteen-year-old self believed she had the world at her fingertips and couldn't wait to enjoy all it had to offer.

Many of my hopes and dreams did come to fruition. I recieved my undergraduate degree in education and eventaully pursued my masters degree in education as well. I taught in an elementary school for five years before having children. I traveled to Italy, The Virgin Islands, Canada, Mexico, and various places in the United States. I have had the pleasure of meeting many interesting people along the way and have engaged in some thought-provoking conversations. These experiences helped shape the person I am today, although I believe the experiences that I did not plan, the things that happened that I had no control over have helped me learn more about myself than I ever thought possible.

Part of my life plan was fulfilled when I got married at age twenty-three. My desire to be married and have a family blurred my vision of love when it came to my ex-husband. Our marriage lasted exactly thirteen months because I mistakenly married a former college fraternity boy who lived out his alcoholism at the local bars and eventually brought violence and infidelity into our marriage. At the time this broken marriage was devastating to me. My dream of being married and having a family was shattered. I was sure that I would live my life alone with no one to love me, with no hope of family in my future. It was only after a month-long vacation in California with my best friend and her constant support and reassurance that I began to realize that while my impending divorce was going to be a difficult cross to bear, life would go on and I was capable of finding happiness again. Little did I know that several months later I would meet my current husband, Jeff, who has been my rock and salvation. He is my heart, my passion, my everything. Because my heart had been trampled at the end of my first marriage, I had to learn how to pick myself up off the floor, dust myself off, and open my heart again. God sent me my soul mate when Jeff and I crossed paths. Had I not suffered such complete devestation and been so slighted in love, I don't know that I would have been able to see what amazing qualities Jeff has in his quiet, unassuming way. He captured my heart and soul and I have never looked back.

Years after my divorce, I thought I was in the clear. I believed that my life path had taken a slight detour and was now back on track. I had found a wonderful man to spend my life with and we were expecting our first child. All was right with the world. I had even made a career change from teaching full-time to teaching part-time to provide me with lots of time with our new baby. When Nicholas was born, I finally had the family that I had hoped and dreamed of. I was elated to finally to be a mother, and to be able to share all the parenting roles and responsibilities with Jeff was icing on the cake. I finally had my perfect family. But when Nicholas was ten months-old, he was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy and again my hopes and dreams were shattered. I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest, thrown on the floor, and stomped to pieces. I felt as if I had done something wrong. I screamed at God for punishing me again. I cried, I pleaded, I anguished. This time as much as it was happening to me, it was physically affecting my son, and that was a pain that was almost too much to bear.

Now six years after my divorce and two and a half years after Nicholas's diagnosis, I have the perspective to realize that life doesn't always happen the way I expect it to, but that what I learn about myself along the way, helps me to grow stronger and open myself up to new possibilities...whatever they might be. I have a much different view of my life's path. I no longer feel in complete control of my destiny. I have let go of expectations. I have surrendered my heart and soul to God's grace and I know that whatever happens in this journey is what is meant to be. It's an amazing feeling. It's a feeling of complete surrender, it's freeing and liberating. I honestly don't ever want to go back. For me to not know my destiny, to not have my life follow a plan, lets me live each day with fervor and love and helps me take experiences as they come without the blur of expectations of what is suppose to be. Whatever will be, will be. I am just here to live the best life I can, to give as much love as I have in me, and to experience joy each and everyday.