Injustice

Tonight as I was checking my facebook before bed, I saw that a friend had joined a group against child abuse and the photo for that group was a picture of a little girl around the same age as Nicholas with her face all scratched and beat up with a black eye sucking on a pacifier.

It made me cry.

It made me angry. REALLY angry.

I saw a video several months back on the same website about a 6 month-old baby girl who suffered horrendous abuse before dying at the hands of her abusive parents.

The images have never left my mind. Not a day has passed that I have not thought about and prayed for these little angels who don't know love. It truly breaks my heart that children suffer so much when they are so vulnerable.

It is intolerable.

It is cruel.

It is heartless.

I know that I am being called to do something for these kids, but I don't know what it is. I have been praying and contemplating what it is that I can do to help these innocent lives but I don't have any answers. All I know is that my heart breaks every single time I think about this and I just feel as if I want to scream. I want to hurt the child abusers and make them suffer the way these children have.

If anyone has any suggestions of ways I can help (big or small) please let me know. At this point I feel so helpless that this injustice is going on in a world where I live and I just know I have to do something. Here I am trying to save my little boy from an incurable disease while perfectly healthy, beautiful children are being tortured at the hands of their abusers. It's not okay and I will not tolerate it.

Baby Is Named

Jeff and I finally decided on the name for our baby girl. We both spent several weeks discussing names we like, but I kept feeling like her name was suppose to start with a vowel so I looked at all the A names I could find, then E names, but didn't spend a lot of time on I, O, or U names because when I saw the name Ella, I just knew it was the right name for our little girl. Ella means torch or bright light and it just seems so appropriate since this little healthy baby girl is a light shining in our hearts. My grandmother also shared that Ella was the name of my grandfather's mother, so I knew it was perfect since Jeff and I both love the history and tradition of family names.

When we started discussing middle names Jeff immediately said he wanted Elizabeth after his grandmother, and while I LOVE the name Elizabeth, I didn't immediately like the sound of Ella Elizabeth-because of the alliteration of the two E's together, so we decided to think about it for a few weeks. I really wanted her middle name to be either Rose after my mom's middle name or Grace because I feel it is because of God's grace that she will be joining our family in a few months. I decided to google the name Ella to see if there are any Catholic saints with that name and to my surprise there is one: St. Ella of Russia. Her first name was Elizabeth but she was called Ella. I explained this to Jeff, so he said, "Why don't we name her Elizabeth Rose and call her Ella."

"Genius!" I said. "I love it!" So her name will be...

Elizabeth (Ella) Rose Gustafson

New Family Photos

Several weeks ago, a close friend that I have known since I was in fifth grade, Heather Purdin, took some new family photos for us. She owns a business called Click Photography and she's so amazing! If you live in the SW Washington/Portland area and are looking for a photographer-I would definelty recommend Heather. You can check out more of her work on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/CLICKphoto-By-Heather-Purdin/248272722286
We are so happy with our new photos!

Grateful

Tonight I was reflecting on all of things that I am so grateful for in our life right now and I thought I would share...

• That both Jeff and I have jobs we adore
• A house that we have made a home
• The unwavering support of our families-especially my mom & dad who generously provide attention and care for Nicholas, randomly stop at the store and buy groceries for us just because they know how busy our lives can be, and who always offer words of support and love
• Vehicles that aren't too pretty but that run great and always get us from one destination to the next
• The most wonderfully soft and comfortable sheets I have ever owned (thanks for the info, Lynds) that help me get a better night's sleep
• That we have been blessed to be able to be parents for a second time
• That some of Nicholas's strength seems to be returning now that his bronchitis is clearing up and that he's doing so well driving the power wheelchair
• That I get to spend every waking second of my day treasuring each moment and loving this sweet boy...

That's what I am grateful for today.

Wheelchair Practice

We have been going to Shriner's weekly this past month to give Nicholas more practice on the power chair. Since he will be turning two in May, we would like to order his own power chair within the next few months so he can experience some freedom from us carrying him all the time. He gets better with every try, but because he is still getting over bronchitis, he's not quite feeling like his normal self yet so he's been a bit weaker than normal.

Last Saturday, April 17th, marked the one year point of Nicholas's diagnosis with SMA. I was out-of-town leading a retreat, so I didn't think of it at all until I got home on Sunday. Our computer's screen saver is photos and videos of family and friends and on Sunday evening when I went to turn the computer off, I stopped and watched a video of Nicholas in the bathtub when he was around nine months-old. He had a bath toy in his hands and was bringing the toy up to his mouth to chew on and that's when it dawned on me that he has been unable to bring his hands together and up to his mouth for quite some time now. I continued to watch photos and videos pop up on the screen and I couldn't stop crying because I could see how much our little guy has declined physically in the past year. I don't think about it much on a day-to-day basis, but when it was presented in a slide show fashion it was extremely difficult to ignore. I guess I just keep thinking, "Well, he's been teething," which accounts for some of his weakness, although now I realize that not all his strength has returned and I am unsure that it ever will. As I write this I have a huge lump in my throat and tears blurring my vision because I don't know if this means we are closer to losing our son or if it is just how Nicholas will continue to live for a long time. Either way it's heartbreaking and extremely difficult and I wish there was something I could do to help my son overcome this awful disease.

Please keep us in your prayers this week-we could really use them.

Baby Bump

I just wanted to share a couple of photos that my best friend, Lyndsey, took of me while I was vacationing with her in California. She's an amazing photographer with her own business-Jack & Lola Photography.

The second belly photo is exaggerated a bit since I was pushing out my tummy to achieve a "better" bump for the photo...but that's me (and baby) at 17 weeks!

Thanks for sharing your talent with me, Lynds!

30th Birthday Trip

Last Thursday I flew down to Long Beach, CA to visit my best friend, Lyndsey for our 30th birthdays. Hers was at the end of March and mine is in the beginning of May so April seemed like the perfect month to celebrate. We shopped, ate at several delicious restaurants, watched movies, played games, went to an antique store, met friends, and drove up the Pacific Coast Highway. It was a memorable trip and I am so happy I was able to spend some quality time with my bestie! I am not sure why but I didn't take as many photos as I normally do on trips, oh wait-I do know why-because Lynds always had her camera out snapping photos (and she's the professional)! Anyway, most of these photos are in San Juan Capistrano at the Catholic Mission.
One of the two of us...the only one with my eyes open!

It was such a beautiful day and a truly breathtaking place to visit!

Some historical artifacts

The chapel of St. Peregrine who is the patron saint of cancer patients and health. I wrote a special prayer for Nicholas in the chapel prayer book.
The beautiful mission church. I was moved to tears by the overwhelming feeling of the Holy Spirit in this place.

The grounds were immaculate and lavishly gardened

The Koi fish pond

A statue of St. Therese donated by a first communion class

After leaving the mission we ate dinner at a yummy Irish pub...here is Lyndsey and Keith laughing at dinner
This is the courtyard where we sat and ate at the pub...the tree growing in the middle of it was quite the sight!

Our baby girl got a few special things on my trip...Lynds bought her first layette, and mommy got her the bird pillow and pink pear for room decorations. Don't worry, I didn't forget about Nicholas, I got him a little something as well :)

Thanks Lyndsey & Keith for a wonderful 30th birthday weekend celebration!

"Ball" Game

The Easter bunny brought Nicholas this new bath basketball game and he LOVES it! He has always loved to take a bath, but now when I say ask him if he's ready, his eyes light up and he enthusiastically shakes his head and says, "ball!" It's adorable!

We gave him a bit of an advantage by placing the hoop on the tub wall at and angle so he can easily dunk the balls, but he's getting so good at it, it I think we might need to adjust it some to make it more challenging.

It's always a good time in the bathtub!

Easter Joy

Cuddling with a sleepy Daddy on Easter morning

Look at what the Easter bunny brought...two books, some PJ's, a chocolate bunny, and a new basketball game for the tub!

Daddy using the fish basketball to give Nicholas kisses. Today Nicholas started puckering up and making a smack sound when we asked for kisses...so cute!

Relaxing on Gramme and Grandpa's living room floor after Easter brunch, watching Kai-Lan

Sporting Daddy's hat and binkie...it's the new look, you know.


New PJ's after bath...I think he likes them!

Reading an Easter story before bed

We hope everyone had a wonderful Easter with friends and family.

He is Risen~Alleluia!

SMA Fundraiser

Several weeks ago, friends of ours from high school, Jake & Carrie Collins, contacted us and asked if we were interested in a fundraiser to benefit SMA. We were thrilled and excited and needless to say, we said yes! Jake Collins volunteers for the local East County Fire and Rescue and every year they hold some type of fundraiser to benefit their organization. This year, however, they decided to donate half of the money raised to a charitable organization and they asked which SMA organization I was interested in supporting. I immediately answered that I wanted to help the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. The Strong's are amazing parents to a 2-year-old girl, Gwendolyn, who is battling SMA type 1. We regularly correspond via email and Facebook and I read their blog almost everyday. Their strength and determination to end this awful disease is a true inspiration to us, and I couldn't think of a charity more deserving of this money. So...if you live in the Camas/Washougal/Vancouver/Portland area and love to play poker, here are the details of the upcoming fundraiser on Sunday, May 23rd:

• What: The East County Fire & Rescue Volunteer Firefighters Association presents a Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament Fundraiser, half of the proceeds from this event will benefit the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation.
• Where: The Camas Moose Lodge. Food and beverages will be served.
• When: Sunday, May 23rd at 3:30 p.m.
• The Tournament: $20 Minimum Buy-in: 10,000 chips. Early Registration Bonus: 2,000 additional chips. Add on at break: 5,000 chips (optional)
• How to Register: The field will be limited to the first 150 players so register now. Register by May14th for your Early Registration Bonus.You can also register the day of the tournament if there is still room. Register by e-mail only please: ecfrpokertourney@yahoo.com

Jeff and I love a good game of poker, so we will both be there to support the ECFR and the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. If you want to support a great cause, have some fun, and hopefully win some money...sign up to play. It's sure to be a good time!