Happy Birthday Letter

Dear Nicholas,

It is the eve of your third birthday. Today I have spent a great amount of time reflecting on the last three years. Please know, sweet boy, that each and every day I have spent with you has been a gift. Every moment I get to have you in my life fills my heart with joy. Waking up each morning to your beautiful light brown eyes, that radiant smile, and those adorable brown curls makes every day a good day.

When your daddy and I found out you would be joining our little family, we were overjoyed! When you were growing in my belly, I spent that time wondering who you would be, who you might look like, what activities you would enjoy, and what your little baby voice would sound like. I loved feeling you kick and move in my belly and I felt such joy knowing you were safe and warm in there. What I imagined was nothing compared to who you are. You are beautiful, brilliant, courageous, silly, and so much fun!

I am in awe of your wisdom and your courage. Even with so much adversity affecting you on a daily basis, you manage to maintain a spirit of love and happiness. You rarely complain. You enjoy each moment as it comes. You are such an inspiration to me. You, my little man, make me strive to be a better person. I am blessed and honored to be your mother. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. I love you to the moon and back. I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you so much, that I would trade places with you in an instant. I would take your disease from you and keep it as my own.

When you were diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy over two years ago, we honestly did not know if you would survive to see your third birthday, or your second one for that matter. You have shown us that we should never doubt your strength and determination to live. You have a zest for life that is a true inspiration to everyone who has had the pleasure of meeting you. Your physical disability in no way limits your capacity to love and be loved, how much fun you can have, or who God created you to be.

People around the world are praying for you, Nicholas. People who have never met you, but who are touched by your story, are keeping vigil for you. I have no doubt that these people have stormed Heaven and God is listening. He has allowed you to stay here with us for three years and we couldn't be more grateful. This past year was especially difficult as you were hospitalized for fifteen days, had surgery, stopped breathing several times, and suffered miserable pain for a period of time before we could figure out a diet that would work best for you. Through all of those very trying times, you managed to keep a smile on your face and your fighting spirit always pulled through and you came out a healthier, happier child in the end.

You are my hero. You are my daily reminder that miracles do happen. You are a living, breathing miracle. Nothing you do or say is taken for granted. Every small milestone you achieve we celebrate as a family. Whether it's more movement in your arms, tolerating sitting up or standing (in your stander) for longer periods of time, or trying small bites of food...all these things are to be celebrated. You continue to beat the odds, you continue to show your doctors that you are one tough little boy, you show us that this disease is not who you are, it's merely a small piece of you. You have never let SMA decide what you can be, you have never let it label you. That, sweet boy, is a daily reminder to me that you have a warrior soul inside of you. You have God's grace flowing through every fiber of your being and people can see His love when they look at you.

I wish you many, many more birthday celebrations. I hope your weak little body can hold out until medical researchers find a cure for your disease. Even if this is the very last birthday you celebrate, always know how very much your daddy, Ella, & I love you. We think you are amazing. You show us that though you do not have a perfect body, you do have a perfect soul.

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, my sweet son!

All My Love,
Mommy